the calendar says september but my soul says Halloween
people say bisexuals are greedy but ive never met anyone greedier than a straight man
when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks
and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”
and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”
and then he’d spin around
there was my brother
I love everything about this.
See? Now this is a prank. Something silly and good intentioned and actually funny. Not groping poor, unsuspecting girls.
a moment of silence for female characters who get a lot of shit but would be adored if they were male
Me getting up in the morning like
Hittin’ the keyboard like
Friends comin’ online like
DID YOu SEE tHE THINGg MY GOD
when people say that they stay up thinking about someone tHEY AINT FUCKIN KIDDING